The heartache tragedy and pain that this world brings can render questions anger and doubt. I see that the only way to remain Well in the midst of crisis is to surrender. To give up. To relinquish. – To trust to love and to hope.
It’s been a gut-wrenching tear–jerking composure-wrecking Wednesday. Yet it’s also been a blessing in some small ways as well.
Shannon and I sang Chris Tomlin’s “I will Rise” in a funeral today: a six year old who had developed Leukemia a little less than two years ago. His mommy was a MOPS mate of mine. I wish that I could say that we were close and that I knew her well – I can’t – but I can say that there have been a number of occasions that she’s blessed my socks off.
I was at “Open Gym” at Golden Isles Gymnastics. I had an almost-two-year-old and was pregnant – it had been a tough week and I was feeling very discouraged. She walked up to me and said “I don’t think you know me but I have been attending Saint Simons Community Church and I wanted to tell you that I am really blessed when your husband leads worship.” That brightened my day.
Later in my pregnancy I began double-stroller shopping at yard sales. One Saturday morning I happened upon her yard sale and she was selling the exact stroller I had been hoping for. When I tried to pay for it – if my memory serves me right – I think she gave it to me or I paid about nothing for it. She even carried it to my car because I was prego.
Her oldest son was diagnosed with Cancer and her difficult journey began: we saw her less and less and kept up via updates – fundraisers and such.
Then Summer of 2008 – I will never forget – I was at a Doctor’s office with Kenimer. It had been – for me – a very stressful day. I had been waiting a very long time only to find that I had to go to the car to retrieve some documentation I had left. It was one of those unprepared mommy days where I had left home with no sippies snacks etc. I was trying to figure out how to grab my child – {who was having a total melt-down} – walk outside in the heat and return with required papers. Right then she walked in with her 2nd son in a bathing suit and cover up having just come from swimming lessons – her older son in Jacksonville getting a chemo treatment with a family member while she was taking the day to spend with her little guy. Just then Kenimer started screaming and the front desk lady rudely reprimanded me.
This girl reached out her hands offering me help “Here – let me put him in the stroller and I’ll stroll them around while you go out to your car” reaching ino her basket to produce a brand-new box of teddy grahams. Kenimer was overjoyed. I walked outside retrieved my papers and headed back in – but feelings of being frazzled stressed and pregnant evoked tears on the way back in the building. I tried to gain my composure but she still noticed. She said “I have plenty of these days myself – trust me.” I felt that an angel had come to my assistance but as I left the building it hit me that her other child was in a hospital in another town with cancer and she had just offered ME help comfort and encouragement!
When I received word that he had passed away on March 5th I could not stop thinking of his sweet mother and what a blessing she had been to me. She had touched my heart and my heart was moved at the funeral today.
Strangely enough I remember almost nothing about singing/playing the song – I just felt God’s presence so intensely that it was like an out-of-body experience – as though I was watching me do it from a distance. Strange how moments filled with such sadness can also be powerful and revelatory. I am so aware that when tragedy and crisis come knocking we find comfort in sweet surrender and the realization of God’s sovereignty.
The words Job 1:21 come to mind “The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.”
Leave a Reply