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Hope Farm Housewife

my patchwork life

Archives for February 2010

Wellness Wednesday (on Saturday): Idol of Approval

by saintlewis Leave a Comment



I have been seeking to disengage the automatic thought patterns that seem to cloud my view Jesus.

I mean very simply: sometimes when I try to focus on Him I am inundated with thoughts about what people think about me – whether they approve or are pleased.

As a co-worship leader worship leader singer & songwriter I find that there is a constant battle to be fought and won in order for effective worship to take place. This battle consists of judging the success of the “worship session” by the comments or feedback of others. Simply put we are constantly battling Satan’s attempts to get us focused on others opinions.

Have you ever led worship or participated in a worship set in some capacity & felt that God really showed up – the worship was incredible – only to find that the feedback was not what you expected? Or how about the times you feel things did not go so well and yet find yourself amazed at how others respond?

There are always those special people whose opinions are weighted much heavier in mind – we all have them. I am saddened at how much mental energy and time I have spent wondering what it would take to get this person or that person’s approval. God is wooing my heart with these words “I want my opinion of you to be the most important in your mind.”

Take for instance this past Sunday leading worship with Shannon: in lieu of the sweet times I had been having with Jesus and the unity Shannon and I were experiencing in our marriage lately I was particularly excited about this time of worship together. I prayed fervently for God to use me as a vessel to glorify Himself through me and to create in me a clean heart. Well the last thing he is definitely doing.

Well wouldn’t you know that most everyone whose opinion was of high value in my mind was in the first service. Shannon decided to drop a song at the last minute and whispered it around the stage but – unfortunately – I was far away and never got the notice. I started playing the song planned then realized I was wrong jumping into the planned song (which I knew very well). But the nervousness caused by being caught off guard combined with my concerns of other’s opinions threw me off: I stumbled through the song – not playing it nearly as well as I could have. Yes this is the gentle way of saying that I made some mistakes. Shannon – knowing that I knew the song well – was quite frustrated and asked what in the world happened.

I sat quietly backstage in between service ands I said “God what happened? Shannon and I have been so in sync lately but clearly we were not on the same page on STAGE in front of a lot of people and people whose opinions really MATTER to me.”

The thought came over me: “Cyle… ask me whether I was pleased with your worship – ask me whether you ministered to my heart.” My first thought “How could you be pleased?” “Just ask me” He said. I silenced my anxious thoughts and I did just that. I was amazed at the response. Jesus began to talk to me about the condition of my heart. He told me what was pleasing to him. He showed me where my motives were off. He quietly reminded me that I had exalted certain people’s opinions and that He was doing a work in me purifying my motives. I was humbled. I walked into the second service with an abandon that was so sweet. I had already made a screw up and had nothing to prove to anyone anymore. Of course everything went well but – of course – the folk’s whose opinions I was interested in – they weren’t in that service. So I had to resolve that they would probably remember this Sunday as the Sunday I made a mistake but the Lord said “That’s Okay. Do you think – as long as someone’s opinion is an idol in your life – that I will allow you an opportunity to puff yourself up with a good performance before them ?”

“ ‘My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

God is jealous after my heart – He wants the only thing that ultimately matters when I am worshipping to be HIM.

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My Precious Husband – My Valentine

by saintlewis Leave a Comment

My Husband is indeed my special Valentine {a little late I know}:

Shannon Lee Lewis – My  husband of 51/2 years.

He is my prize.

He remains my favorite singer.

I think we’re a pretty good team. That team is really improving it’s strategies. We are strengthening focusing planning and goal-setting. Watch out 2010 – here we come!

He is for me promoting and encouraging me every day.

He gets up earlier than the rest of the family to spend time with Jesus and then meets and prays with me.

Recently when I was discouraged – he looked up verses pertaining to the issue and wrote them on the walls in chalk. I came home and saw them all around the house and it put a smile on my face.

He can build anything though he would rather I forget he has this gift at times!

He can fix ANYTHING.

He gets up in the middle of the night when the kids cry out.

He is always interested in my thoughts feelings etc.

He never runs out of stories and always tells me something new.

He is smart and funny.

He is a great producer – a trait that is often a benefit to me!

He always gives me thoughtful feedback on songs ideas etc.

He is fun!

He was my valentine and always has my heart!

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Cupid brought me some Superboys!

by saintlewis Leave a Comment



Cupid brought me some supermen!

Life is grand with two imaginative superheroes! These two super men are the greatest arrows cupid has sent my way… they melt my heart daily.

A lil bit bout Baby Boy:

Every time Tucker says “no no no!” I am aware that he is not our baby anymore and my heart melts everytime he says “yes maa”. The latter statement only comes when I say things like- “Hey Tuck- do you want some ice cream?” Or “Do you like that new puzzle?” Otherwise it is “No no no!” – constantly.

Sometimes I feel as though there is a parrot at our house – Tucker mimicks everything.

He wants to potty-train. I think the window that the experts talk about is upon us. I’d rather wait for the door personally.

Tucker is so beautiful and often when I see him in the morning feel I could eat him up. I often can’t believe he is my child.

He has a brute strength of will that will take him far in life.

If I had to tell you Tucker’s love language I would guess quality time. (taking after his mother on this one). If he is awake and not eating he is ALWAYS dragging anyone that seems remotely interested to a quiet spot away from people to play with just him. He takes you to the closet tells you to unlock it shows you the puzzle he wants take you to the table tell you what chair to sit in and then put your hand on the puzzle. Any person that walks in our house is a likely target to be Tucker’s personal playmate.

He is hilarious AlWAYS evoking laugher from us. Yesterday I found him here.

He is such a joy to my heart!

A ‘lil bit bout Big Boy:

Kenimer is overjoyed to see people he loves. He is always thinking and talking about people that are important to him.

He is very attached to me right now – he never wants me to leave and when I leave and return he often says “Mommy I was worried about you.” The statement that almost always follows melts my heart: “I just very very want you.” He often tells me I am beautiful and cool.

He has a knack for making people feel welcome.

Some regular Kenimer-isms are (when first waking up): “I missed you I am so glad to see you“; “Wow this is great!“; “Hey the sun is up its time to get up now!“

His daddy asked him to record a verse on one of my songs which is on our forthcoming c.d. – an experience that was very special to him. After Tucky was in bed he got to come into the studio the  mic was lowered and he had his first recording experience ever. When he heard it playback he did a happy dance and jumped in Shannon’s lap and said “I love you Daddy!” Apparently he felt really important.

He also loves to model for me….

Last Sunday he went to Kid jam (which he is not actually old enough for but…) – one of his “big girl” (a highschooler) friends took him. I was later told that he solicited himself to play the part of David on stage and had the room in stitches. Apparently he really hammed it up and was a real hit with his four year old acting in a program that is for 6 year olds and up.

I was’nt surprised a bit when Shannon heard the stories at the church on Monday morning. Ttat was just like my Kenimer to steal the show. He loves the stage… especially if he is on it!

He recently demonstrated some compassion that greatly moved me- regarding the bike. My first born is too precious for words!

My heart is full of love for my two supermen-boys!

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The anniversary of the thieves and my heart

by saintlewis Leave a Comment

Today was an anniversary. {No not our wedding anniversary} Tonight my husband planned a special date complete with childcare lovely meal at coastal kitchen followed by desert and coffee at my favorite spot- Wake up. Valentines was the reason. During conversation we realized this date was horrific last year. Amazingly we spoke of what had changed in our hearts as a result of this event. Romans 6:36 rings true all things work together for good for those who love Jesus.

Grab your coffee and let me tell you a story:

This date last year our home was ransacked – robbed
– broken into and beyond.  It was a few days before Valentines and Shannon was
gone to church to lead worship that evening – being the “Rachel Ray” that I am
I wanted to cook a special Valentines Dinner. I fed the kids gave them both a
speed bath put on their PJs loaded everybody up and headed to Harris Teeter
to buy some special dinner items.  I quickly grabbed the items. I was gone for
approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes. Apparently that’s plenty long enough for a
team of thieves to come in and tear apart my home.
Having returned home with two little ones I opened
the front door and gasped – what I saw was horrifying.  Décor ripped from the
wall couches turned upside down – EVERYTHING was EVERYWHERE.  Kenimer said
“Mommy someone made a mess in our house”. Having left my cell phone at
the house (of course it was stolen) the house phone was sitting by the door. I
grabbed it quickly while trying to hold tightly to my screaming kids stepping
back onto the porch.  One of our most trusted neighbors and an old family friend
passed by walking his dog so I turned and started to cry while telling him that
I thought someone was in our home (I haven’t yet mentioned that I heard movement
in the back room). He calmly grabbed my children and took them to his house (his
daughter happens to be the best babysitter on the planet) while I called 911 my
husband (Shannon) my parents etc. Our neighbor came back with some hot coffee
while I waited for the Police and he walked in to check out the house
returning to announce that it had been cleanly swept through. When all the
reports came in it appears as though the criminals fled from the rear when I
opened the front door judging from the mess there were probably at least 6 of
them and they were primarily after electronics.
My husband and I were about half-way done with a
worship c.d. we had been writing for the last few years so we had some
electronics to be stolen.
I called Shannon again to warn him that all of his
recording equipment and musical gear had most likely been stolen. When he
arrived at home (following a near-revival worship night at Youth Group) he
looked slightly sick realizing the hard drive holding over half of our album
was GONE. Nausea set in as we thought of how much hard work had just walked away
with a bunch of thieves…not to mention family pics wedding photos and
etc.
The thieves were never caught   but – after prayer –
our hard drive was found – the thieves had tried to pull it off the studio desk
but had gotten dropped elsewhere.  Yet as if that weren’t enough almost
immediately after the break in we discovered water damage in the wall and a
severe carpenter ant problem.  When it rains it pours I suppose.
The days that following were filled with plans for
tightening up security.

We were busy bees – dead bolting doors putting
curtains and shades on every window and shopping for alarm systems (which we
now have). We grieved our losses and proceeded to move forward and as we
learned some practical lessons about home security and I learned some heart
lessons as well.
Now I feel as though God had been whispering to me
“Hey you know how your house was not as secure as it could have  been? You
know how this theft shook y’all up? Could it be that your heart is not as
guarded as it should be? How many of your thoughts are dominated by lies you
have entertained. Sometimes there is a barely room in your thoughts for
truth.
”
“Guard your heart above all else for it is the
source of life
” – Proverbs 4:23
“…take every thought captive to obey
Christ…
” – 2 Corinthians 10:5b
The heart and the mind are so tightly intertwined
one could say that they are one and the same for what we make room for in our
heads moves our hearts and what we care for and about effects how we
think.
Just like I needed to better secure my home so I
even more greatly need to secure my mind and heart – my soul.  God wants to
dwell in me but it needs to be a safe place.

That theft brought about physcial changes that contributed to the greater safety of my home- hence the dead bolts alarm systems etc. That theft led me to dig deeper into my heart to explore the degree of truth I was listening to- I sorted out where my thinking was tainted with lies. I learned how to have authentic relationships I learned that Jesus wants a secure place to reside- he wants a heart free from unhealthy thinking.

I am thankful for the theft.

Lesson learned.

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Wellness Wednesday: Community

by saintlewis Leave a Comment



My Wellness tool this week can be summed up in one simple word

{Community.} another word could be

Support Network

I am reflecting the various ways people I do life with ministered to me

In      the       last        five             days.

There’s last Friday- when a dear friend came over in the morning while drinking coffee we shared our hearts- praying with each other.

There is the friend who provided feedback for a specific situation. She did’nt tell me what I wanted to hear but she did tell the truth in love. She told me what she was hearing as I shared my dilemma. She later sent me some verse references via text. These type of friends are invaluable to me.

They there is the friend who I exercised with yesterday we have some similarities in life situations right now…. We prayed together and encouraged one another.

There is the small group of friends who gathered Saturday night to pray with one another. We each shared where we were in life and what we felt God was doing in and through us. We prayed for one another.

There is the friend who called last night to share good news.

There is the guy who works with Shannon- sharing with me that he is praying for us and agreed that God is moving within our lives and sees our vision.

Then there are my parents they came to the Night of Worship Sunday night and then invited us over for sandwiches. We talked of what this year holds for us as well as prayed for one another.

Then there are the girls who I met with last night for songwriting circle. Once again I shared a rewritten song and the start of a “new” one. What a relief to share my “ humble beginnings” and hear the feedback. I in turn appreciate the chance to offer my thoughts and suggestions on original songs written by these girls. This gathering is like oxygen to my soul.

Life is challenging at every turn but it is so much sweeter shared with authentic friends.

I am thankful that over the last year and a half I have learned how to be an open honest person sharing life with others.

We all need people in our lives to support us and love us. And to tell us the truth.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend but profuse are the kisses of the enemy. Proverbs 27:6

Feb 3, 2010 7:00 AM

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